Pyschological Help for Tortallans
by LiL Grim PyroManiac
Summary: In a fake office with secret cameras, Pyro-chan's messed up person gives advice to Tortallans wproblems. Can they get over the help? CASE 2: NUMAIR
1. Alanna's Asylum

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Tamora Pierce's work! Duh! But everything else is mine! All Mine!!! Bwahahaha!!! Now on with the show!!!  
  
AN: This is the only Disclaimer unless there's something in individual chapters... Okay... You can read now...  
  
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Pyro-chan: Hey everybody! I'm Pyro-chan!!! I'll be your host! Shh! Our guests don't know they're being watched... They thing it's just a therapy session thing... And our first guest is, none other than, ALANNA THE LIONESS OF OLUA AND PIRATE'S SWOOP!!! Shh!  
  
Alanna: *walks in* Hello doctor...  
  
Pyro-chan: Yo! Sit down and let's talk about your problems...  
  
Alanna: Okay... *sighs* I'm short!  
  
Pyro-chan: No, you're vertically challenged.  
  
Alanna: What?  
  
Pyro-chan: Fine, you're short...  
  
Alanna: Oh... HEY!!! YOU CALLIN' ME SHORT?!?  
  
Pyro-chan: Nope!  
  
Alanna: Oh, okay... Well back to me... I'm short... *sniff* And everyone makes fun of me!!!  
  
Pyro-chan: *nods* And how does this make you feel?  
  
Alanna: FEEL?! IT MAKES ME ANGRY!!! ROAR!!!! *Cries* I don't like being different...  
  
Pyro-chan: Seems you have some anger issues...  
  
Alanna: You would too if everyone called you "Fire-top" or "Young'n" or "Hey that lad's got purple lamps!"  
  
Pyro-chan: Fire? Where? *Looks around*  
  
Alanna: I DON'T LIKE MY DAMN PURPLE EYES!!!  
  
Pyro-chan: So? Now, where's that fire?  
  
Alanna: What fire?  
  
Pyro-chan: *eye twitches* WHAT FIRE?! WHAT FIRE?! GRRRR!!!  
  
Alanna: *makes a face*  
  
Pyro-chan: *pulls out rapier* DRAW YE FOOL!!!  
  
Alanna: Roar! *Draws sword*  
  
Pyro-chan & Alanna: *do a complex show of stage fighting pattern of head, arm, hip, head, blitz, head, arm, hip, head, blitz, etc, etc, etc...*  
  
Pyro-chan: *lay, set, pull* Ha! I bested the Lioness!!!  
  
Alanna: WHAT?! *Explodes* You red-eyed demon of a doctor!!! You didn't help at all!!! I'm gonna get you!!!! Ro-  
  
Phone: *rings*  
  
Pyro-chan: Hold on! I need to take this call... *answers phone*  
  
Alanna: Okay! *Watches clock*  
  
Pyro-chan: *on phone* Numair? That'll be great! Okay... ... ... Sure! Thanks! Bye! ... *Hangs up* Back! Now where were we? Oh yeah! DON'T EVERY MAKE FUN OF MY RED EYES AGAIN!!!  
  
Alanna: SEE HOW I FEEL?  
  
Pyro-chan: Actually, no... Sorry I don't...  
  
Alanna: *goes berserk at this* AH!!! *Drools* *draws a war axe* *charges at Pyro-chan*  
  
Pyro-chan: Stop! I have... A cell phone!!! *Pulls out cell* SHING! SPARKLE SPARKLE!  
  
Alanna: *stops* Huh?  
  
Pyro-chan: *calls someone*  
  
Man in white suit 1: Where is she?  
  
Pyro-chan: Right there! *Points at Alanna* MIWS 2: *grabs Alanna* Thanks...  
  
MIWS 1: To an asylum she goes!  
  
Men IWS & Alanna: *leave*  
  
Pyro-chan: *shrugs* See ya next time!!! It's Numair!!!  
  
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	2. Numair's Nausea

Disclaimer: I don't own Good Charlotte, Hot Topic, Honey-baked Ham, or Pierce's stuffs… But I do own the plot…

AN: I hope you like this chapter!!! I was listening to GC when I wrote it… So, It's got punk 'n' stuff in it… So yeah…

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Let's check on Alanna:

bWorker/b : *throws a Honey-baked Ham into Alanna's padded cell*

bAlanna/b: *growls & jumps on ham*

bWorker/b: *shudders*

bAlanna/b: *spits a chunk at him*

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***Back 2 Da Show!!!***

bPyro-chan/b: Hey peeps! I'm Pyro-chan your host! Today's "guest" is Numair!

bNumair/b: *enters*

bPyro-chan/b: Now hello. Sit…

bNumair/b: *sits*

bPyro-chan/b: Your problems?

bNumair/b: Okay… Hm… Let's see… All this black makes me feel gothic!!! And Daine, she's such a baby! All she does is whine! I can't believe she actually thinks I Ilove/I her! What a gaywad! Actually, I'm gay… The Emperor Mage was so hot… Until Daine had to kill him…

bPyro-chan/b: *disgusted* Ew! I didn't need to know that! You feel "gothic"—

bNumair/b: Yes…

bPyro-chan/b: *rubbing eye* Damn red contact! *takes out red contacts revealing steel gray eyes* Much better! … Okay you need more confidence in wearing black…

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At Hot Topic:

bPyro-chan/b: This is Hot Topic… This should make you feel better about black… *wanders off to look at stuff*

bNumair/b: *afraid of scary workers w/their piercings and tatoos*

bPyro-chan/b: Look at this rockin' Happy Bunny shirt!!! Darn, too much… *walks over to Numair* Here look at these. *shoves a Good Charlotte calendar, a poster of a gothic girl, and a studded belt into his hands*

bNumair/b: *looks at calendar* Who are these people?

bPyro-chan/b: OH MY GOD?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO GOOD CHARLOTTE ARE?!

bNumair/b: No?

bPyro-chan/b: Back to the office with you! *drags Numair away*

bNumair/b: *drops stuff*

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Back at the "Office":

bPyro-chan/b: *puts a CD into her black stereo* This is Good Charlotte… *pushes play & skips to #2, The Anthem*

bStereo/b: *plays*

bNumair/b: Oh…

bPyro-chan/b: *skips to 3, Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous* There's Billy, the lead guitarist-

bNumair/b: Guitar?

bPyro-chan/b: LET ME FINISH! Like I said, Billy, and Paul, and Benji, and Joel, and Chris… Paul's the fat guy on bass. Benji and Joel are twins and Joel's the lead singer. Chris is their new drummer…

bNumair/b: OKAY I GET IT!!! Can I leave now?

bPyro-chan/b: Are you still gay?

bNumair/b: Actually, no… Not after seeing these freaks!

bPyro-chan/b: GC AIN'T FREAKS!!!

bNumair/b: *already out the door*

bPyro-chan/b: Well! Okay, um… I Ithink/I Daine's our next guest but I'm not sure… It could but Thom… Oh well… C-ya!

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AN: R & R!!!!! Vote on Daine or Thom!!! Sorry it's short!!!              


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